Sara Honikman

The Place I Found Myself
If someone would ask me to choose a pivotal moment on my fitness journey that dramatically changed my life I would not be able to give one.
My journey was gradual.
I remember when I moved to NY 5 years ago and was trying to push myself to go back to the gym post baby #4.
It was a very slow process.
A coworker pushed me to try out a small studio fitness class and it took me some time, but I eventually made my way to the gym
And I never looked back.
There are so many gains;
I feel stronger
I have more energy
I feel empowered
I found a place to unplug and disconnect from the chaos of my life and just be present IN THE MOMENT
I gained an awareness of the amazing abilities and gifts my body provides for me on a daily basis
I walk out of class and I feel grateful that my body enables me to do great things
I’m grateful for my tenacity
I’m grateful for my endurance
I’m grateful for my energy
But if I have to pick one thing that I walked away with recently that’s priceless and the most empowering thing that I am grateful for,
It’s my confidence.
I’ve gained a tremendous amount of confidence on my fitness journey.
My childhood was hard
And I was put down a lot
And my confidence was at less than zero.
But recently, I walked out of the gym with this epiphany
I had this sudden realization.
This new sensation.
It was so foreign that it took me a long time to even recognize it..
Confidence.
For the first time ever I realized that I feel good about myself.
Not just about how I look,
It’s so much more than that.
It’s how I feel as a whole person
As a tiny woman in a big society
I feel good about myself
I feel capable
Front row and center, I park myself every single class
The girl from the back of the classroom,
Who never felt like she was good enough
Who held her head down and felt invisible
Who made herself invisible
Who felt weak
Who lacked confidence
Who didn’t like who looked back at her in the mirror
Now is a different kind of student.
It’s a different classroom.
Rules have changed;
In this class,
This girl walks in proud
Chin up
Strong
Confident
No longer invisible
No longer not good enough
No longer weak.
Front row and center.
It’s the best feeling
There really are no words to describe this moment.
I guess I should take back my answer then.
There was a pivotal moment
It was an ordinary moment.
On a ordinary Tuesday
But for me, it was a pivotal moment
It was a moment of clarity and realization for me
A moment of awakening
Because the discovery of confidence for the first time in my entire life brought on a new feeling that I’ve never felt before
It’s freeing
It’s life changing
It transcends the gains I ever could have imagined I would gain in this small studio.
Fitness is such a huge part of my life now that I cannot imagine my life without it.
It is such a big part of me as a person, that I really don’t know who I’d be without it.
When I come home from exercising my 7 year old daughter often asks me why I love the gym so much.
Sometimes, she even asks me if I love the gym more than I love her
And here is what I want to tell her;
“I do love the gym, but I don’t go because I love it more than you, I go to the gym BECAUSE I love you”
I mean, I mostly do it for myself,
Let’s be honest!
But on a deep level,
When I push myself
when I empower myself to do more , I’m also empowering my daughters.
I’m giving them the priceless gift of the subtle and yet pivotal message,
That as women, they ARE STRONG
That they can reach any dream and any goal they set their minds to
That they are not invisible
That they are not less than good enough
That they are not weak.
I never want my girls to walk to the back of a classroom wiling themselves invisible because they lack confidence.
They should walk in proud.
Chin up
Confident
Prominent
Outstanding
Strong
Front row and center

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